Movie Review: Night of the Demons

IMDB, Night of the DemonsHorror, 93 Minutes, 2011: “Night of the Demons” on IMDB

[Wife and kids are away visiting for the holidays. I’m staying home with movies. Just call me “Scrooge”. The fun one, with the Muppets.]

You know those nights when you go to a Halloween rave at a creepy old plantation house that’s been empty since a massacre occured there 85 years ago? Then the police break it up but you’re stuck in the place with six friends because they locked the gates when they left? Maybe there’s a drug dealer there who owes his supplier a lot of money? Maybe there’s a guy there that your friend wants to get to know better? Maybe you find some corpses in the basement that turn out to be demons that want to rape their into you because if all seven of them can possess a living human before dawn they’ll be free to roam the Earth forever?

You know those nights?

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Movie Review: The Devil in Me

IMDB, Devil SeedHorror, 108 Minutes, 2012: “The Devil in Me” on IMDB

[Wife and kids are away visiting for the holidays. I’m staying home with movies. Just call me “Scrooge”.]

Yet another movie with multiple title disorder. “The Devil in Me” on IMBD and “Devil Seed” on Netflix.  This is usually does not bode well for the experience.

The story is a weird mash-up of “Rosemary’s Baby” [IMDB] and “The Exorcist” [IMDB]. Alex has just returned from her grandmother’s funeral. Her roommates have moved into a new apartment while she was gone. They go out to party and drunkenly patronize a fortune-teller where Alex has a seizure that she promptly forgets about the next morning.

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Movie Review: Entity

IMDB, The EntityHorror, 87 Minutes, 2012: “Entity” on IMDB

15 years ago a mass grave of over 30 people is found in the Siberian wilderness. The Russian government ignores the event and provides no explanation. A small group of journalists accompany a powerful psychic to the site to investigation. After making contact with spirits at the site the group is led to an abandoned research station several miles away. There they unravel a terrible secret while being assaulted by… something, left in the ruins.

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Movie Review: R.I.P.D

IMDB, RIPDAction/Comedy, 96 Minutes, 2013: R.I.P.D. on IMDB

What if the “Men in Black” [IMDB] hunted ghosts instead of aliens?  That’s the movie in a nutshell. Not at all original, but also not a bad idea, really.  The agents, here, are dead themselves and doing community service on Earth before being allowed into Heaven.  The fugitive ghosts hiding among us need to be found and revealed so that they can be put down for good.

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Movie Review: This is the End

IMDB, This is the EndComedy, 107 Minutes, 2013: This is the End on IMDB

This was so stupid.  Stupid and silly.  Stupid, silly and completely freakin’ hilarious.  It’s not really the kind of movie that you’ll watch twice – most of the laughs are surprise shockers – but it’s definitely the kind of movie that you’ll laugh your ass off at.

The premise is simple and amazingly brilliant.  How would Hollywood’s biggest stars react to the biblical, literal rapture?  The answer is: “Not very well.”  Everybody in the movie plays themselves, or rather, versions of themselves; caricatures really.

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Movie Review: The Shrine

IMDB, The ShrineHorror, 85 Minutes, 2010: The Shrine on IMDB

Kids hiking through Europe are going missing near a small village in Poland and a junior reporter thinks there’s a story.  Her editor demads she report on Honey Bee colony collapse (because editors will always shift resources away from young missing Americans abroad to cover science stories).  Following her gut and ignoring orders she convinces her ex-boyfriend photographer and an intern to go AWOL and investigate the disappearances.

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Movie Review: Demon Hunter

IMDB, Demon HunterHorror, 90 Minutes, 2012: Demon Hunter on IMDB

This isn’t a good movie.  In fact it’s a bad movie.  Bad movie!  Bad movie!  (Like most of the movies in the class it has an identity crisis.  It’s listed on IMBD as “Demon Hunter” but the available poster calls it “Obsidian Hearts”.)

It starts immediately with a ridiculously extended hand-to-hand fight scene that will remind you of the “Peter v Chicken” fights on family guy in that a) it goes on way too long, b) looks really stupid and c) will probably make you laugh in spite of yourself.

Most of the movie looks like an extended larping session taking place in the same section of  Sequoia National Park.  The fun part is they drive for hundreds of miles between these scenes then end up fighting directly in front of the same tree.  Those poor, poor trees.  They survive for thousands of years and are then forced to witness this.

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Movie Review: The Whole Damn Hellraiser Franchise

Hellraiser, Puzzle box[This is the twenty-first through twenty-ninth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival. Yes, I watched all of these. In a row. In a day. More than 13 hours. Do you people see the lengths to which I will go to prevent myself from making an actual contribution to society?]

I was 16 years-old in 1987 when the first “Hellraiser” movie came out.  Back then the only thing approaching what we now know as “the Internet” existing solely in the minds of schizophrenics so I was forced to wait for the VHS release of the movie to see it.  I had just recently gotten into horror in a big way based on the recommendations of a friend and was a big fan of Clive Barker [Wikipedia].  The movie, written and directed by Barker and based on his novella, “The Hellbound Heart” [Wikipedia], the movie was twisted, gruesome and most importantly, different.

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Movie Review: Necessary Evil

IMDB, Neccessary EvilAdventure, 114 Minutes, 2008: Necessary Evil on IMDB

[This is the fifth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]

I picked this up solely on the reputations of Lance Henriksen [IMDB] and Danny Trejo [IMDB].  Neither is particularly known for their discerning tastes when picking roles but I’m a fan and figured, naïvely, “How bad could it be?”

Apparently it could be pretty bad.  Pretty god-damned bad.

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Movie Review: Mama

IMDB, MamaHorror, 100 Minutes, 2013: Mama on IMDB

[This is the third selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]

Ever since Henry James published “Turn of the Screw” in 1898 authors have continued to dip, often successfully, into the “Ghosts + Kids = The Willies” formula.  The introduction of children into a horror story, when done well, introduces a deeper, much more disturbing level of emotional attachment.

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